I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
