I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
