ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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