i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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