is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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