That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know her cup size but not her name....
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