**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
