how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
