I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
