New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
