I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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