pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
