I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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