Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
