hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
