My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
