I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
