Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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