goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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