youre lurking in front of me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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