I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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