Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
