god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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