you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
