I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
