Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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