He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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