Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bring me that man meat
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
