3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
