i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
