I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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