I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
