Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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