I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
