Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
