I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
