"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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