Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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