How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Congratulations! We have a period
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
