After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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