So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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