if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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