You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
