That's intense
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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