but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
