"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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