There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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