he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
