She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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