You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
