...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
