hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
