i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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